This weekend I discovered that my friends take me out primarily to put me in situations where they know I'll say something ridiculous. Thankfully, I find this highly entertaining, too.

Case in point, a friend and I were meeting his coworker and coworker's girlfriend for drinks after a concert. On the way to meet these people, my friend tells me he's doing this for entertainment value and knows I'm bound to say something hilarious. Later on at the bar, I'm silent. This goes on for 15 minutes.

I catch the girlfriend looking at me. I hadn't properly looked at her since we sat down. She's poured into her outfit, perfectly manicured, and tweezed within an inch of her life. There was no way this girl and I were going to be best friends forever. Girls like me are aliens to her. My silence is clearly making her uncomfortable.

Finally, she asks, "So what do you do?"

In a classic economy-of-words response, I say, "I'm a software engineer."

My response is met with a blank stare I've grown accustomed to from other women. Another five minutes pass and I realize the appropriate response would've been to ask her what she does. I continue to drink my beer instead of speak. The men are doing enough talking, so there is constant conversation at our table.

She is baffled by me and eventually states, "So you're pretty smart?" She phrased it like a question.

I reply with the only answer, "Yes."


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